I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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