you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize