I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
