Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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