I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
