my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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