saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
