Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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