she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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