Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
