they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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