my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
