Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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