Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
