Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
