Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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