Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
