If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
