wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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