my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
