i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
