Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
