my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize