I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize