I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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