i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
