i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
