I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You can't just leave with hair like that
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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