Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
