i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
