YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
