Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
