So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
