is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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