At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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