I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
