You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize