dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize