I wanna bring you to show and tell
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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