I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
