I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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