New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
