I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
