And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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