Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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