She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize