i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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