I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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