Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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