Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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