Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
