when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize