On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
