Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
