$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
