R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
