I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
