I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
