sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
