If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
