Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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