His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I won the penis lottery.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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