Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
