i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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