put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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