You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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