I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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