sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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