He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
