They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think i have herpe
just one?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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