bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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