So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
