there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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